I know you’ve been having a hard time accepting that I let you go. I can’t blame you for that, it was pretty sudden. One day I was hoarding you in my nightstand and shoving you into my mouth at all hours of the day, the next minute I practically threw you at my husband as if you meant nothing to me.
So let me explain…
You see, we have what the experts like to call a “mutually destructive relationship”. Okay, maybe not “experts” so much as “me” but you get the idea. The way I see it, you harm me by making my blood sugar rise and my ass grow, and I get revenge by eating you. Or maybe you’re the one getting revenge? Either way, it’s a vicious cycle and I had to put an end to it.
So in the spirit of being “just friends”, I would appreciate it if you would stop coming by my work and showing up at the restaurants I go to. I find this type of harassment very off-putting and not endearing at all. I would also appreciate it if you would stop sending your cousin “sugar” to talk to me, I have nothing to say to him either.
I hope that over time we will learn to forget about each other, and that we’ll be able to pass each other on the street with no hard feelings. Until then, I have to warn you that if you come near me, I’m sticking a fork in your arm.
All the best, SP